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10 Classic 90’s Movies That Are Actually Shit

If you like any of these movies, then you are wrong!

Don’t get me started on films from the 1990s, although there are quite a few films that were great in that ten years, I really think it is a piss poor decade for ‘classic films.’

I could probably count about 10 films I actually enjoy from the 1990s. The decade was full of overrated, unbelievable and ridiculous movies. People always go on and on about these so-called classic movies that I’m about to take a big shit on. So, if you like any of these movies then you are wrong!

Titanic

I’d say this is the most over-rated movie of the 90s. I’m surprised it was made by James Cameron, because he has made some pretty nifty sci-fi movies in his career. I do like Leo DiCaprio, but I’ve only been saying that since he made Catch Me If You Can, because his 90s films are a bit meh!

What I hate about this film? The shit dialogue, the way the film just drags and drags and is so damn boring at thee hours long. Three f**king hours of my life wasted and that God-awful Celine Dion song, arggggh!. I only wanted to see the ship hit the iceberg and sink, which by the way starts at around 85 minutes if you just want to skip to that bit!

Worst Part – The first 90 minutes!

Armageddon

I literally hate everything about this film. The plot, the actors, the director and even the soundtrack. I can’t stand any Michael Bay movies. I’m thinking right now about all movies he’s made… Nope, I still can’t think of any that I like. The plot is just 1990s ridiculous over the top nonsense!

Even Bay himself admits the film is terrible and he directed it. There was another movie released at the same time as Armageddon with virtually the same plot called Deep Impact. I prefer this film and it’s also got Morgan Freeman as the US President. Go watch that instead I say!

Worst Part – Pick any scene!

Independence Day

This film just whiffs of cheese! Kick-starting Roland Emmerich’s love of blowing up American landmarks. Once again we have a dumb over-the-top ridiculous plot, with Jeff Goldblum type-cast as usual as a swotty professor and Will Smith in his 90s “Oh Hell No” days.

Not to mention the rest of the cast with their hammy acting and their unbelievable,  very annoying characters and ‘Team America attitude’.

Worst Part – The way they defeat the mothership at the end by uploading a computer virus is fucking absolutely ridiculous!

Mrs. Doubtfire

Where do I start? There are so many things wrong with this movie! The whole concept behind the movie is creepy as fuck. His ass would be slung in jail in reality. This kind of movie would never get made today.

It’s a shame because I actually like the late Robin Williams and this is considered one of his biggest roles.

The costume and disguise is just grotesque. If this was my nanny I would run a mile. Like Shrek, Mrs Doubtfire has an annoying ‘fake Scottish sounding’ accent, but he still insists on telling everybody he’s English. That’s no English accent mate!

Worst Part – The bus driver scene, because you can always guarantee that if a man dresses up as a woman, no matter how hideous they may appear, they will always have some dude fancy them.

Forrest Gump

The biggest annoyance with this film is the quote “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get”. This is actually a bullshit line, because every time I purchase a box of chocolates the box always come with a card detailing all the chocolate flavours that are inside!

There’s a reason the sequel to this film never got made. Because it just doesn’t work now. Especially post 9/11 because the world is a very different place.

The 90s seem like a very different place to where we are now. Think, the unacceptability of Mrs Doubtfire!

Worst Part – There’s something strange and uneasy about an actor playing a character with learning difficulties, especially when they incorporate a sexual encounter. At least Hanks never went full retard!

Pretty Woman

This is one of those movies that people always think that everybody loves. It’s like a modern version of My Fair Lady, but with more sex!

This is Richard Gere, who is not an unattractive man playing a playboy millionaire who could easily have any woman he wanted. Instead he picks Julia Roberts dirty skank prostitute off the street!

Worst Part – The Hotel Manager for not slinging her ass out his establishment!

Robin Hood – Prince of Thieves

Oh God! That’s what I say each time I think of Kevin Costner. His movies are usually a complete snooze-fest. Dances with Wolves, Waterworld, JFK…. Yawn!

So many problems with this film. Little John looks like a giant Ewok, the awful campness of Alan Rickman’s Sheriff of Nottingham. He supposed to be playing a guy who is a total bad-ass, but he plays thecharacter  like a pantomime villain and why has Robin Hood got an American accent?

Worst Part – Every scene with Kevin Coster in. Oh, and every scene that features Alan Rickman and Christian Slater too!

The Mask

Don’t get me wrong I love Jim Carrey, but this film just oozes 1990s shit!  I have never really liked this movie, because it strays away from the darkness of the comic book and makes it too kiddie cartoon friendly.

I can see why Carrey never signed on to make a sequel. The only good thing about this movie is that it gave us the beautiful Cameron Diaz.

Worst Part – The awful Coco Bongo dance scene.

Braveheart

This film is about as historically correct as Disney’s Pocahontas (which also stars Mel Gibson), and what is with Mel Gibson’s Anglophobia? He made Braveheart and The Patriot. I’m surprised he didn’t make out the English had Jesus killed in The Passion too!

William Wallace in reality wasn’t such a good guy after all. Confession time. I’ve never watched the film fully no matter how many times I’ve attempted to watch it.

Worst Part – Every scene that features Mel Gibson

Shakespeare in Love

How this film won ‘Best Picture’ over Saving Private Ryan is beyond me!

Based on a story about Shakespeare and how he came to write Romeo & Juliet, which probably never happened at all.

I can’t even be bothered to write any more about this film because it’s yet another film on this list I just can’t sit through at all, no matter how many times I try, I just can’t.

Worst Part – The thought of pressing play to start watching this movie again.

Written by Robert De Zero

Joyenergizer Pop Culture Journalist

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