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These are the Christmas Movies You Should Be Watching To Get You in the Holiday Spirit

“Keep the change, you filthy animal!”

No. F**k right off, Die Hard is not going in this list! Yes, it’s set at Christmas, but it’s not really going to get you in the spirit of Christmas! Email all your complaints to gofyourself@joyenergizer.com.

These are the movies that I can watch while all cosy with a cup of cocoa watching the snow from the window.

Here is our Christmas Movie Playlist for this year. In no particular order…

Jingle All the Way

It’s a much un-loved Christmas movie and it’s a sure thing that Arnie must feel a bit embarrassed to have made this 90’s cheesefest, but just give it a chance and it’s sure to make you feel a bit Christmassy.

What it’s about

The plot focuses on two rival fathers, workaholic Howard Langston (Schwarzenegger) and stressed out postal worker Myron Larabee (Sinbad), both desperately trying to get a Turbo-Man action figure for their respective sons on a last-minute shopping spree on Christmas Eve.

Yes, it has its flaws and I don’t know where to start on listing the many problems with this movie. From the ropey special effects, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s awful attempt at comedy and the fact that absolutely everyone in the movie seems really annoying and obnoxious.

Why are they annoying? Arnie’s Character for thinking he can go out and buy his Christmas presents on Christmas Eve, especially when it’s the must-have toy for the season!

His son Jamie, played by a pre-Anakin Skywalker Jake Lloyd who seems to be the moodiest kid in the world.

“Oh my dad didn’t come to see me at the karate lesson, boo hoo! I hate you. I hate you. Now get me a Turbo Man and I’ll forgive you”.

You know why he misses These events? Yes, he’s a workaholic, but it’s also because he has to work his ass off so you and your mum can live the nice life. The big house, and the expensive toys and hobbies.

The mum character (played by Mrs. Tom Hanks) who moans that Arnie hadn’t brought their sons main present even though he runs his own company and works all hours and she’s a stay at home mum!

The damn-right sleazy neighbour played by the late Phil Hartman pretty much playing one of his Simpsons characters Troy MClure.

Overall the worst character of all is the crazy unstable post-man played by Sinbad who seems like he’s one day shy from going on a shopping mall gun rampage. What a dosy douche bag!

Scrooged

It’s about Christmas and it’s got Bill Murray in it, that’s all I need to say. No, it’s not A Very Murray Christmas, but Scrooged, a true 80s classic.

What it’s about

A modern re-telling of Dickens Christmas Carol. The story is about Frank Cross (Murray) who’s an evil TV executive and who gets visited by three ghosts over the night and he ends up sorting his life out, because he realises he was a bit of a c**t!

The film was marketed with references to Ghostbusters which had been a great success four years earlier. In the United States, the tagline was, “Bill Murray is back among the ghosts, only this time, it’s three against one.” Hilarious!

The last emotional monologue where Frank addresses the nation about Christmas spirit was actually ad-libbed.

A great family film, although it can be a little dark for younger kids!

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

I love John Hughes movies and I really like National Lampoon’s Vacation. This is the third in the Vacation series when Chevy Chase was still funny and it’s a must see.

What it’s about

We follow Clarke Griswold (Chevy Chase) and his family at Christmas and witness all the shit that you have to put up with over those festive days. The situation is made worse when various family members decide to come and stay over.

Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) ends up kidnapping Clarke’s boss because Clarke is disappointed that he didn’t get his Christmas bonus which was going to cover the cost of having a swimming pool built in the garden. How much of a fucking bonus does this guy get? I’ll be lucky to get a box of Celebrations from my boss this Christmas!

Watch out for a young Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis as the young Rusty and Audrey.

Elf

This has become one of the true modern Christmas classics. I wasn’t expecting much when I first watched this movie when it first came out because I didn’t really know who Will Ferrell was, but I absolute enjoyed every minute of it.

What it’s about

We follow Buddy the Elf who is one of Santa’s helpers after he finds out he isn’t a real Elf, but a human who stowed away in Santa’s sack from an orphanage. He goes to New York in search of his biological Father and tries to spread the cheer of Christmas.

Basically it’s your fish out of water scenario with hilarious results. It’s a feel good movie that will put you in the festive mood for sure.

It’s not hard to spot, but watch out for Peter Dinklage (GOTs Tyrion Lannister) in an early role. Not only has it got the delightful Zooey Deschanal in it, but she also sings in the movie and the end credits!

The Polar Express

If you can overlook the dead emotionless faces of the CGI characters it’s a really beautiful looking film.

What it’s about

Based on the children’s book by Chris Van Allsberg and filmed in CGI, the story is set on Christmas Eve, and a boy who is beginning to question Santa’s existence witnesses a train known as the Polar Express, that is about to depart for the North Pole. And what do you do when a magical train turns up that is going to see Santa and is full of strange kids and Tom Hanks as the conductor… Yes, you get on it of course!

The elf band is fronted by a CGI Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler, who probably didn’t even need altering in appearance!

Tom Hanks plays all the adult male characters in the film, even Santa Claus.

The Muppet Christmas Carol

Now I’m not a massive fan of the Muppets, but this is a joy to watch.

What it’s about

Again we have a re-imagining of the classic Christmas Carol, with legend Michael Caine as Scrooge this time.

The Muppet Christmas Carol was dedicated to the memory of Muppets creator Jim Henson and fellow puppeteer Richard Hunt, who died during pre-production.

The Muppet’s really pulled it off!

Home Alone

Another fine John Hughes movie and one of the best Christmas films ever made.

What it’s about

The film stars Macaulay Culkin as Kevin McCallister, a boy who is mistakenly left behind when his family flies to Paris for their Christmas vacation. Kevin initially relishes being home alone, but soon has to contend with two would-be burglars played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.

“Keep the change, you filthy animal!”

I really don’t know anyone who doesn’t like this film.

The Santa Clause

Okay, it stars Tim Allen, but don’t let that put you off.

What it’s about

Tim Allen plays Scott Calvin, an ordinary man who accidentally causes Santa Claus to fall from his roof on Christmas Eve. When he and his young son, Charlie, finish St. Nick’s trip and deliveries, they go to the North Pole where Scott learns that he must become the new Santa and convince those he loves that he is indeed Father Christmas.

It’s got Santa in it, what is there not to like?

There you have it. Eight classic Christmas movies to watch this year and if you don’t like these then you can sod off and watch Die Hard instead!

Written by Robert De Zero

Joyenergizer Pop Culture Journalist

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