The Christmas Movie That Will Make You Totally Hate Christmas!

Celebrate Christmas or else!

Sorry to shit on your Christmas festivities people but we have to say that there is one particular Christmas movie that literally makes us want to hate the whole Christmas thing.

If you haven’t already guessed we are talking about Christmas with the Kranks

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In no way am I saying that this movie is garbage but it shows everything that is wrong with this holiday season.

Tim Allan is not shy when it comes to making festive movies. He’s made three Santa Clause movies and also The Santa Clauses series on Disney+ and Jamie Lee Curtis has also starred in a beloved Christmas movie too with Trading Places.

So what is it all about?

The movie was made in 2004 and was actually based on the 2001 novel Skipping Christmas by John Grisham. After Riverside, Illinois couple Luther (Tim Allan) and Nora Krank (Jamie Lee Curtis) see their daughter, Blair (Julie Gonzalo), depart for a Peace Corps assignment in Peru following Thanksgiving, empty nest syndrome sets in. Luther calculates that last year they spent $6,132 during the holiday season, and, not looking forward to celebrating Christmas without their daughter, he suggests they invest the money usually spent on decorations, gifts, and entertainment and treat themselves to a ten-day Caribbean cruise instead. Luther insists that they completely boycott the holidays, and eventually Nora agrees…. The Kranks then find themselves to be pariahs in the local community. At the last minute, their daughter decides to return home for the holiday after all. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a fun movie!

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Okay, so they decide to skip Christmas by going away on holiday which isn’t an odd thing really. Lots of people go on holiday or overseas for Christmas just look at the McCallisters in Home Alone. They could still send Christmas cards, give gifts and donate to local charities as normal because they didn’t really need to be that tight about it. Ahhh… But you see am I only saying that because I am in actual fact a slave to the tradition also?

Basically, everything about this film will make you hate Christmas.

As soon as they tell everyone that are not celebrating Christmas this year the local community goes into complete sociopath mode.

Sony Pictures | Report

Luther’s office all make sly comments about him being a Grinch and tight-ass to his face even though he’s management.

Nora is having dinner with her friends at a restaurant when the Christmas card shop guy harasses her and makes a scene because she isn’t ordering any Christmas stationary this year.

The Christmas tree guy has a huge strop after he turns up uninvited to sell the Kranks a Christmas tree and tells the whole street which has nothing to do with them.

Worst of all The Kranks are now literally terrorized by the neighbors on the street because they haven’t put up their Christmas decorations. Vic (Dan Akroyd), who is the self-proclaimed leader of the street, organizes a campaign to force the Kranks to decorate their home. In one scene Vic harasses Nora and tries to stop her from leaving the house so much that she ends up trapping his hands in the car window just to get away. The whole street continually harasses the Kranks to put up their Frosty snowman decoration on the roof and even put signs in the Kranks’ garden.

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When they are at the shopping mall Nora is made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by the local clergyman who bothers and gawks at her while she’s in her bikini getting a tan at the local tanning salon. Dirty old man!

One of the neighbors even reports the story to the local newspaper who prints a front-page article complete with a photo of them at the tanning salon and a photo of their house.

The police call around selling charity calendars collecting for the benevolent fund when Luther reveals he isn’t making a donation this year they pretty much decide that their service is cut off to the Kranks.

The Carol Singers arrive and make a snide comment asking if the Kranks are Jewish or Buddhist because their house isn’t decorated top to bottom with Christmas lights. They trespass on their property and try to sign through all the windows around the house.

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Then after all the non-stop harassment which could lead some people to suicide Blair phones and says she’s actually coming home at the last minute…

The Kranks then have to decide they are going to celebrate Christmas, after all, to please everyone after all.

Chaos ensues…

Luther has to rush around to find a Christmas tree and Nora has to face the awfulness of Christmas food shopping when Nora tries to buy a hickory smoked ham but they are all gone because people in movies only seem to visit one supermarket for all their produce. She offers other people in the queue who had brought the last ham lots of money to buy it off them but when she is leaving the supermarket she drops it and a truck runs it over,

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The police arrest Luther when he is transporting a borrowed Christmas tree from a neighbor with the comment “You should’ve bought a calendar”

Sony Pictures | Report

Luther nearly kills himself when trying to put up the Frosty snowman ornaments on the roof and then makes a joke about he was really trying to attempt suicide.

After the Kranks reveal to the street that Blair is coming home and they will be celebrating Christmas again the neighbors put away their pitchforks and offer to help.

The police offer to pick up Blair from the airport and the fire brigade and paramedics help to organize the party because they obviously have nothing else better to do because all emergencies stop for Christmas. While bringing Blair back from the airport the police try to stall for time so pretend to attend a burglary only to actually catch a burglar in the act and bring them back to party!

The creepy Santa guy at the start of the movie selling umbrellas and who also meets Nora in the store and seems to know the Kranks’ daughter’s name and where they live invites himself to the Kranks’ Christmas Eve party actually turns out to be Santa Claus!

Out of goodwill, Luther gives their cruise away to Bev and Walt after they find out that Bev’s cancer has come back and it may be her last Christmas.

Sony Pictures | Report

In the end, it all works out for everyone. The Kranks have conformed to the holiday season, pandered to their adult daughter, and surrendered to the local community all is at peace again.

Anyway, after all that, we do recommend you go check out Christmas with the Kranks.

Written by Jay

A caffeine-based life form with a love of the 80s and pop culture.

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