45 Really Awful Dating Profiles

Will any of these (crazy) people ever find love?

It can be tough out there in the dating world. Especially when you are a peanut butter and jelly sandwich short of a picnic!

If you are looking for love, then why not take a look at these really awful dating profiles and see if any of them seem like a perfect match for you.

Will any of these (crazy) people ever find love?

The Love Machine

He can get your c**t rubbered up!

The BDSM Master

“Let me beat you like a slave”

Uncle Fester

“I’m a right b**tard, I am!”

The Ass Taking Gold Digger

She can ‘whistle whilst she twerks!’

The Cyber Stalker

Just make sure you check out his profile before blocking him!

The Fat Jon Snow

A ‘nice guy’ who thinks women should know their place!

The Guy with Standards!

Only clean and trusted pussies please!

The Fetish Guy

Likes dressing up like a f**kin’ pink fluffy cat, but hates homosexuals!

The Rig Driving Serial Killer

I like welding and shootin’ (in between eating probably!)

The G-Man

Ladies… This guy is a keeper!

Ol’ Roaming Eyes

This guy will treat you right if you will have him. he likes ‘internet money food’, but you got to watch them roaming eyes!

The Snake Man

I don’t think goal number number 4 will be hard to achieve!


Fallen on hard times and Selena never leaves the house without her condums (sic) and red nail polish.

The Moron

Block. Block. Block. Block. Block

The Twat in the Hat

Has a lot of prejudices

F**k Dis Shit

His secret is ‘being a nerd and reading books’, but not really. F**k you!

The Derp

Doesn’t understand how dating works!

The ‘Juggalo’

Juggalo (sic). What is that? Can you use it in a sentence for me.  “The ‘juggalo’ was a total and utter clown-faced f**kwit!”

The Cannibal

Lives by the codes of honour and chivalry. Likes anime and not afraid to taste human meat!

The Funny Guy

I bet he had a right chuckle when he though of that answer!

The Psychopath

Hobbies include ‘women shooting’!

The Disney Nut-Job

He really wants a princess he can treat like shit!

The Man in Denial

Listen up. He does not want a man or boy, alright?!

The Honest Guy

He tells it like it is

The Gun Freak

Doesn’t know why he hasn’t got many matches

The Friend-zoned Contradiction Idiot

He likes women for their heart and not their bodies, but no fatties please!


The Impatient Guy

Stop asking so many damned questions! He just wants to get down to the dating


The WTF?

Hobbies include dressing in bin bags and drinking pickle juice!

The Ghetto Vampire

He’s crazy. He’s got bitches everywhere. So many, they are right up to his medula oblongata and he’s still a virgin!

The Joker

Laughs at butt jokes!

The Fun Guy

Surf’s up bitches. Who wouldn’t be interested from this hilarious photo?

The Deluded

Peter Parker finally decided to reveal his true identity. All to find true love.

The Maniac

This ex-beauty pageant winner knows exactly what the ladies want. Guns, bad tattoos, dungarees, liquor and a room that looks like a prison cell. He’s got it all going on!

The Honest Guy

He’s a ‘sex attic’ (sic) and not afraid to admit it!

The Melvin

There is nothing more Melvin likes than steak, chipotle sauce, movies and c**t licking!

The Shirtless Man

He’s got huge areolas!

The Inappropriate Profile Picture Guy

Wants you to call him ‘The Tim’. Nobody wants that view!

The Farter

Enough said!

The Smooth Talker

He knows how to talk to the ladies!

The Wig Wearing Artist

Proud to wear a 18th century pirate wig!

The Anti-Feminist

Thinks women should know their place in society

The Swag Guy

A total swag douche!

The Kinky Racist Sexist Friendizoned Douchebag (aka The Worst Human Being)

Thinks women have a superpower of blocking getting pregnant, likes computers and My Little Pony. Has really awful taste in music and hats.

The Wannabe Airplane

Apparently, going to college to be an airplane!

The Terrorist

Want to know what he is up to? Then ask the FBI, NSA, DHS, NYPD or Mossad, because he apparently doesn’t have a clue!

The Fisherman

Has a really funny anecdote about falling in the water

The God Fearing Old Guy

Hobbies include waiting to die and fearing God!

Written by Jake

Nando's Ambassador and resident blogger for Opinion Machine & Digital Art Mix


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