What Would Really Happen at the End of 80s Movie ‘Big’

Err… Mr. Hanks… We Have Some Questions!

I hadn’t watched the 1988 movie Big in a while, but it’s one of my favourite films and one of the best family films ever made.

If you haven’t seen the movie in a while or even if you’ve never seen the movie at all (Shut up and get the hell out of here) then I’ll give a small recap of this classic Tom Hanks movie!

What’s It About?

Basically, a 12-year old Tom Hanks gets all pissed off because the girl he fancies in his class is taller than him and only likes older guys. So, while the funfair is in town he makes a wish on a Zoltar Wish Machine to be Tom Hanks. No, not really he wished to be bigger!

He wakes up the next day and his wish has come true, but instead of being a bit bigger he has become a 30-year-old man. Unfortunately for him, he still won’t be dating his high school crush, because, well you know, that would be so wrong!

He then runs off to the city and tells his mum he has been kidnapped. While there he manages to rent an apartment, get a job at a toy company and climbs the corporate ladder. He turns 13 and also gets an adult girlfriend and learns some valuable lessons along the way.

Eventually, he wants to be a kid again and when he finally manages to track down the Zoltar machine he makes another wish to be small again. He then goes back to being a kid, and should really be a scarred for life!

So, anyway, we have some problems…

Where Are the Cops and Media?

After Josh wakes up as an adult his mum witnesses him in the house and think’s he’s a kidnapper and surely could easily identify him.

The mum thinks kid Josh Baskin has been kidnapped for God’s Sake, but there doesn’t seem to be any police involved. There should be police on this case 24/7 and there would be at least one or two officers stationed at the Baskin’s house at all times. Adult Josh phones the house a few times, to speak to his mum pretending to be the kidnapper and this is where the police would have been able to trace the call!

The media would also be camped outside on the street for the latest update on the story, but there is nothing!

The Job interview

I know it’s the 80s, but he seems to make some bullshit up on his resume to say he has worked in computers for 4 years when he really means playing video games in his bedroom! He also makes up a social security number and goes under the same name as a missing kid (himself!)

You can see already how this will have some serious knock-on consequences after those end credits roll!

The Easy Promotion

All it takes to get a promotion at this toy company is to play a giant piano with your boss in a toy store. If only it was that easy!

Underage Relationship

The whole underage relationship is always the uneasy part of the film, but it’s the 80s and it was just accepted back then. Could you imagine if the sexes were reversed and how you’d probably be even more creeped out!

At the End

Josh’s girlfriend Susan smiles as she watches him walk away and transform back to a 13-year old. Kid Josh is reunited with his mum and it’s all over.

Everything goes back to normal.

Credits roll!

But really…

Josh’s girlfriend shouldn’t be smiling she should be literally screaming! She had a relationship with a 13-year old in a 30-year-old body and now he’s gone missing too. His description also matches a child kidnapper and not only that, but she just dropped off the missing kid on his street for all to see!

The Adult Josh Baskin Now Has Disappeared

Yes, the adult Josh Baskin is now missing. A guy who shares the same name as a kid who also went missing and looks like the kidnapper has disappeared too. But wait, hold on because the weird thing is the missing kid with the same name has now reappeared. Holy Shit!

It’s like an episode of Black Mirror. There would be some confused faces on whoever headed up that police investigation. Well, if they’d even have bothered in the first place!

Surely people were concerned when adult Josh didn’t turn up for work ever again? I know he was only an adult for 6 weeks, but he did quite a lot in that time such as rent an apartment, get a job and an executive promotion. Although, I’m sure some of his work colleagues might have been glad when he f**ked off, because when he easily got that promotion over them there must have been some pissed off people in that office!

Susan would be the first person that the police would be questioning and also her ex-boyfriend who had a beef with Josh and was also seen fighting with him in the sports court.

All they would have to do was interview Josh’s annoying friend next door to get some answers. He’s best friends with Kid Josh and he also goes on many long trips to the city to meet up with an older guy who also goes under the name Josh Baskin and who looks like the alleged kidnapper. Nobody has put two and two together!

Zoltar Machine is Probably Still Out There

That damn machine, which caused all this shit in the first place is still out there. Where did it come from? How old is it and do everyone’s wishes come true?

That is some scary shit because it would only take some asshole person to make a wish for world power and the whole planet would be f**ked!

Do you think that’s how Donald Trump became president? This machine needs to be destroyed now!

A Supposed Child Kidnapper is Also Still Out There!

Yes, people would still believe a kidnapper who snatched a kid off the street for 6 weeks, without any motive or demand for a ransom. A kidnapper who also sings to his abductees mum over the phone and then releases the child back home wearing an over-sized suit and they are still out there to do it all again.

I don’t know about you, but he sounds absolutely crazy as shit! Josh’s mum would never let him outside again.

And Finally, Josh Would Need Some Kind of Therapy

Josh’s innocence is lost forever. He’s going to be on some kind of mental come down. He’s had it all in just 6 weeks. He had a great job, an expensive apartment and an adult relationship. Life’s going to be pretty damn disappointing if he can’t get back up to that level again pretty quickly.

Who needs adults or school telling him what to do? He’ll get so disillusioned and need therapy for life. He will then be diagnosed with some kind of delusional illness after he told the shrink that when he was 13 he’d spent six weeks co-running a toy company, dancing on a giant piano with his boss, had his own limousine and a trampoline in his apartment.

But even after all this…

Big we still love you.

Written by Jay

A caffeine-based life form with a love of the 80s and pop culture.


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