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27 Assholes You Will Find on Facebook (Right this minute!)

It’s time to log out…

It is surprising that a social media company like Facebook is still so popular especially when it wasn’t even an original idea in the first place!

There was a time when Facebook was the place to be but now with the older generations being the main users of this site, it does make you question how long it will stay relevant as the younger generations move away to other newer and ‘cooler’ platforms. The company that is run by an android called Mark Zuckerberg and suffers from an endless flood of spam, fake news, fake people, data-stealing apps, rampant racism, terrorism recruiting, the grooming of children and endless data breaches. Can it survive in the future? Let’s hope not!

I’m sure you already know it’s full of annoying people and we’ve compiled a list of some of the worst. This is why we don’t use Facebook anymore!

The Attention Seeker

First off we have to mention the good old attention seeker. They post vague posts just waiting for the “You OK Hun?” or “DM me” comment so they can then say “I don’t want to talk about”. They will probably announce they are taking a break from Facebook.

The Self Gratification W**ker

The virtue-signalling asshole who went litter-picking for their local community but nobody asked them to or they filmed themself giving a homeless person some money. If you want to do something out of the kindness of your heart, then you don’t need to broadcast it on social media for applause.

Source | Report

The Constant Sharer

The people (usually female, sorry!) who constantly share those annoying memes and quotes. You know the ones that usually feature a picture of a Minion, Paul Walker or Tom Hardy and include a stolen quote with absolutely no credit to the original quoter.

The Demented Data Sharer

“What kind of Potato would Jackie be?” These rely on you signing into some shady app using your Facebook account so you can see and share with your friends what Marvel Superhero you would be. Little do they know these unscrupulous companies are stealing their data and personal details to sell on to even bigger unscrupulous companies who may hack into their account or create spam profiles of them.

Bad Grammar

If you can’t spell or even type a proper sentence without the need for an interpreter, then don’t go posting on public social media for all to see.

The Gullible Idiot

The people who share a post from a dubious-looking Facebook page that claims to be a well-known brand but was only created two days ago and has the page name of Apple_Wins2021UK. The post will be a ridiculous ‘too good to be true’ competition along the lines of “We have 15 Macbook Pros to give away because we cannot sell them because the boxes have been opened. The first people to like, share, and leave a comment will win them”. These people are the kind of people that would believe anything they read on the internet. You betcha they believe in a conspiracy or two from some misinformation they also saw on Facebook.

These people will also be duped into copy and pasting the Facebook Privacy statement status about Facebook owning your content, but if you also copy and paste their status update Facebook has no legal power.

The Beer Poster

The only photos they put on are of themselves visiting places, but always it’s photos of them at a pub drinking a beer. No matter what place they visit. No photos of attractions or great sights from their city break or weekend away. Instead, just images of them with a beer in their hand and sometimes feature the comment “Don’t mind if I do” or “Got to be done!”

The couple who posts endless photos of their kids

Right from the baby scan, we get the first photo, and then for the next ten years, we get a daily photo of their kids. We don’t care that five-year-old Ashley loves the Spider-Man t-shirt that his Nan got him for Christmas and we also don’t care that baby Emilia ate all her dinner tonight. We just don’t care at all!

The sickening loved up couple

What’s worse than the above? The sickening couple who posts daily posts declaring their love to the best husband or wife in the world. How insecure do you want to be that you have to confirm your love every day for everybody to see?

Source | Report

The Asshole who reposts their old posts from Facebook memories

I’m not interested in your photos from 2018 or 2012 so why the fuck would I be interested in them in 2021?

The Conspiracy Theorist

During the pandemic, these people’s bullshit escalated even more than usual. From Coronavirus being made in a lab by China or caused by 5G networks to Flat Earth, QAnon, and how the Democrats are feeding on children’s blood.

The Snowflake who shames you for having an opinion

God forbid you to have an opinion on anything in this day and age. This person is usually offended for everybody. Sometimes they may be so offended they will be in a state of flux and resort to the “Okay Boomer” comment even though they are only 5 years younger than you.

The Humble Bragger

The wannabe influencer that shows off their latest car (on HP) or new iPhone. It’s actually a good way to show off to criminals too that may burgle them some time soon while they are bragging about the holiday to Dubai.

The Narcissist

The compliment fisher who will post a staged photo of themselves flexing their six-pack or wearing a skimpy bikini and saying “I feel fat today”. STFU!

The Dirty Bastard

The people who don’t check the background of their photos. They live in a complete shit tip and tidy up or notice how filthy or badly decorated their home is. Be ashamed!

The Social Douchebag

A variation of the attention seeker. These people class themselves as “fun” and shrug off any responsibility. They usually have 5000 friends and go to any party they can even during a global pandemic where they post a photo of themselves being ‘fun’ with fifty strangers at an illegal garden party.

Source | Report

The Cryptocurrency Shiller

F**k your Bitcoin and Dogecoin!

The Retired Couple

Every time they go out they post where they are. How great the weather is even though they’ve only gone 10 miles down the road. What restaurants they are dining in and most certainly a few pub check-ins. A variant of the ‘Beer Poster’ and the ‘Check-in Monster.’

The Filtered Face F**kheads

You know the ones that have filtered their face into oblivion and their face looks as smooth as a baby’s ass! Their profile photo may also include dog ears, enlarged eyes, or flowers in the hair! Gullible friends will post comments on how good they are looking these days.

The Compulsive Check-in Monster

That person who checks into every place they visit. We don’t care if you’re eating cake and a latte at the cafe.

The people who put a frame on their profile photo

Usually to support a cause they like but they don’t actually give any money to or to show they’ve had their Covid vaccination. Well done! Variation of the Gratification W**ker.

The people who don’t know Google exists

These people will usually post in their local town’s Facebook group asking about something they could have just Googled instead and got an instant answer like what time the local Indian restaurant opens to.

The Facebook Chef annoying food poster

If you want to post food then do it on Instagram. The wannabe chefs posting how impressed they are with their cooking skills. To everyone else, it looks hideous.

The Wannabe Photographer

They post a lot of photos mainly of flowers. Yes, they do want to cover your wedding and they usually want to replace the local Facebook group’s cover image with their own photo with a watermark to show off how good they are.

The S**t Photographer

These are the ones who upload 100+ photos on one post and they are usually 90% shit images that should not be shared and be deleted.

Source | Report

The Suspicially Over Popular Friend

A kind of variant of the social douchebag. They also have thousands of friends and even their sh**test update that will probably say something random like “Happy Friday” or “Feeling sleepy today” gets more likes and comments than your entire Facebook accounts history. I’m still trying to figure out why this person is so popular. I know you in person but you just aren’t that interesting and I just don’t get it!

Finally… the Power-hungry page admin

I’m sure you’ve seen these. They are super quick to post the ‘page rules’ so you know who’s boss. If they don’t like your comment it will be deleted unless you’re friends with them. They set up a page about something they like and enjoy and boy will they guard its honour. They will end up posting personal posts about themselves and their family even though it’s a page for BMW owners or a local community page.

Written by Jay

A caffeine based life form. Current Editor-in-Chief here at Joyenergizer.

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